Intimacy & Relationships

Is it possible to have intimacy after trauma and what does that look like?

I was 47 and living life to the fullest until I wasn’t. I kissed my husband goodbye as I went off for a straightforward surgery which would have me home the next day to recover and continue with my life. 

Irritable, from constantly being in pain and dealing with the constant symptoms of Ulcerative Colitis. Tired, from having to fight the unrelenting symptoms, side effects of medications, and never ending trips to the toilet. Depressed, because no matter what I did, what medicine I tried, what I ate, I always felt isolated and alone, because of this disease that defined me.

One of my lowest and most shameful points was having to hold my newborn baby on the toilet, because I couldn’t hold my bowels long enough to secure him into his swing or bouncer. After failing the ump-tenth medication in December 2021, my doctor and I decided that it was time for a colectomy. April 6th, 20 days before surgery, was the worst/ most embarrassing most unparalleled lonesome day of my UC life. On this day I didn’t even know I had to go, and let out a deluge of mucus and blood that soaked through my pants, through a slatted chair and onto the floor of where I was eating at in Walt Disney

Intimacy seems to be that taboo subject that no one wants to talk about. Sure, there are a lot of

questions out there, but most people may not want to ask. Intimacy with an ostomy? Yes, it’s possible,

and yes, it’s just like intimacy without an ostomy.

I was newly married when I had ostomy surgery, but was in a unique situation. Two weeks

before my husband was to deploy for nine months, I learned I would need surgery due to a

precancerous colon. I had surgery a month later, and thankfully he was able to come home while I was

recovering in the hospital, but promptly had to return overseas. I was 24 at the time and stayed with my

parents until his deployment ended.

There was a lot of learning during the months that my husband was gone. Learning to change

my bag, care for my stoma, and regaining my strength were my biggest to-dos. But of course, like

everyone else, I wondered what

Here is what I’ve learned:

This journey has taught me ALOT about myself. That I am passionate about bringing awareness, educating, sharing my journey and helping others in the process.

Thanks to his stoma, my boyfriend has No Colon, but is Still Rollin’, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.